The Kedge

Hey everyone who cares to keep up with this blog... I'm moving to a new blog interface and that means my rains.blogspot address will no longer be active... please re-bookmark me at http://kevinrains.com Thanks. Lots of new features coming soon....

2003-06-07T15:03:00.000-04:00

audblog audio post

2003-06-06T19:42:00.000-04:00

My wife gets to be the good guy hero.... figures. Very appropriate though. I've always known she's the better one.....

You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-06-06T17:54:00.000-04:00

My first "quiz" and I do not like the results...especially after being confronted this week that my leadership style is at times "too strong." Whatever. Guess I'm just the bad. Hey bad guys kick ass sometimes. I'll go down fighting....

You are Agent Smith, from "The Matrix."
No one would ever want to run into you in a
dark alley. Cold as steel, tough as a rock,
things are your way or the highway.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-06-06T10:44:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite people in the whole world who I thought I had linked in my beloved bloggers months ago.... Sorry Chris... love you man!

2003-06-05T19:35:00.000-04:00

audblog audio post from our dinner guests last night.... well, only one of the guests would actually talk. Introducing the lovely Shaina Brock and her amazing husband to be (and my fashion guru) Doug Horner....

2003-06-05T12:09:00.000-04:00

Ye Old Brownhouse, where I dwell...

2003-06-04T15:01:00.000-04:00

Just had lunch with Ken Read, an Elder with Christ's Community Church in Price Hill (west Cincy)... they self describe as a network of small groups/house churches and are interested in networking with other networks around the city. Right now they have 6 house churches, and just got a 100+ year building donated to them complete with a parsonge. Ken talked about the possiblity of having a community of single guys and a (seperate) community of single woman living on the property monastic style. They have a big pool of young adult to draw on as they are minutes away from Cincy Bible College and he's been teaching there for 15 years. These guys are on a roll with no signs of slowing down. I am pumped! I live for these kind of connections. Very exciting! They have a website at CCIP.org

2003-06-04T11:09:00.000-04:00

audblog audio post

2003-06-04T06:15:00.000-04:00

Good morning. Finally starting to feel like there's a reasonable rhythm to my life again. It's been 6 months of just hanging on for the ride interms of schedule and intensity. Balance. A little Yin for my Yang. A little jelly for my peanut butter. Some.... whatever. I'm walking again. I'm reading/studying Scripture again. I'm blogger and praying more regularly. Feels good. Maybe its just a spring thing. Don't know. What I do know is that it feels enlivening and that's good.

Some exciting news on the home church front. Found out last week about a whole network of house churches meeting in western Cincinnati that has been going for about a year now. They have five gatherings and a leadership team (elders) of 3.... very Trinitarian of them! What's extra exciting to me is that there gatherings are all just minutes from where I work at the shop. One of the elders works at the Home DEpot literally right behind the shop. I can see it from the shop's driveway. I met with him last week and am planning to meet with the other 2 Elders in the next week or so. Exciting stuff that God is doing in this little Nazareth...

One of the things that I currently love about my household is the number of guests. We're having people over almost every night for dinner, weekly there seems to be a fresh round of overnighters, and then there's the dozen or so neighborhood kids that have made our yard a second home. Even more fun (as if that weren't enough!) is all the spontaneous guests that just stop in "for a minute" and end up staying for a meal or desert or conversation... and if we're lucky, all three! On Monday night we had 7 such guests all unconeected to each other; all just stopping by... I felt so, so rich that night. I've felt on some non-descript intuitive level that hospitality is most vibrant and healthy when there's room/time for spontaneous guests as well planned. It's a fun,scenic ride right now for the house. (I know others read this blog -- or used to before my hiatus!-- I hope this doesn't come across as bragging... I'm, quite simply, just excited for what God is doing in my city and my house)

The front door is usually open around dinner time... come on in and make yourself at home...

2003-06-03T16:41:00.000-04:00

Special thanks...

To Alan and Chad for fixing my blog and getting me back in the game... I'm ready to play now.

2003-06-03T09:19:00.000-04:00

Tuesday morning. 6:00am. Still not holding more than one post at a time... I don't even have the option to upgrade to BloggerPro right now (registerations are on hold till they work out bugs there too) If anyone has any ideas please pass them along via email... For now, I'll just press on this way...

Do I even approach the boldness of this prayer? Do I believe this is the case or part of God's will? This prayer staggers me every time.

Ephesians 1
17But I do more than thank. I ask--ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory--to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, 18your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for Christians, 19oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him--endless energy, boundless strength!
20All this energy issues from Christ: God raised him from death and set him on a throne in deep heaven, 21in charge of running the universe, everything from galaxies to governments, no name and no power exempt from his rule. And not just for the time being, but forever. 22He is in charge of it all, has the final word on everything. At the center of all this, Christ rules the church. 23The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ's body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence.

In my better moments I realize this is not hyperbole. This is reality. What I see (forgive me for the pop culture metaphor) is no more and no less than the "matrix." What this verse describes is reality. It is a peek through the wall of the martrix into the enormous reality of the Kingdom of God... our future is bright, our hope secure... Christ is in control.... the church (you and me and our friends around our tables and in our living rooms -- which incidentally become His Table and Living room) are central to the overall plan of the universe and the sweep of history... we are a part of his body... a re-incarnation of Christ, his living presence -- filling everything in every way (NIV). OK. That's going to take light years to live into... thankfully we have them.

+++ Father, give me revelation of all that you've called me to... called us to. Thank you for once again inspiring me with the hope of a glorious future. Help me live into it fully and appropriate as much of that life, the life that I already have hidden with you, here and now. May you bless my small attempts to work with you to fill my spheres with your presence.... for your glory and furtherance of your Kingdom on earth. Amen +++

2003-06-01T10:33:00.000-04:00

audblog audio post

Just lost a post that took me 25 minutes to write... I get back on the wagon and technical difficulties try to keep me down.... not a chance..... plenty more where that came from... (but not right now... I need a shower!)

A few updates on the left.......

2003-06-01T10:00:00.000-04:00

OK... now I've really screwed up.... I tried to put my picture over there on the left (more about that later) and put it in the wrong place the first time hence the tiny, sqeezed "Kev head" above "anchoring forward."

Now what? Alaaaaaaaaaan!!!! Heeelllllpppp meeeeeee pleeeeeeesssseee!!!!!

Attepmt at bolding script... did it work?

2003-05-29T08:27:00.000-04:00

I know I'm horribly behind in blog-land... several very good discussions are just passing me by.... I'll be back... I'm set up to blog from work and thinking through how to incorporate it into my day.... I also need to up date the stuff on the left... that's coming too.... just letting everyone know I'm alive and well... more later

2003-05-13T05:55:00.000-04:00

Below is a comment from my last post from a dear friend. She is such a dear friend that I didn't even get permission to do this (love you, Ang!) but I wanted to bring her comment into a main post because it struck me so much. (I can't even begin to tackle Chris questions under the same section of comments -- that will literally take a lifetime of practice and experimenting -- which we fully intend to do!) I think the reason it struck me is that Ang and her husband Andy are the exact kind of people (dare I say "target audience" -- no, probably shouldn't) that I hope would be thinking about starting churches/multiplying. There's a lot I can learn from those comments and hopefully a dialog will insue that might be seriously instructive.

Some context: Ang and Andy lived with our family and community for awhile (during the height of VC's and my personal transition...not the easiest time), they are both college edumacated, have been in one of our (house) churches for well over a year, are pregnant, and have gone through (ie endured) a leadership development class with me. They are perfect candidates for planting a simple church in their home... So why aren't they doing it yet?

Here's Ang...

"my 2 cents, at least what's going on in our church, is that we're aware of God nudging us to multiply, and we're talking about it alot, but that first step toward being planters is the hard one. My guess is that folks come to church expecting to grow, give and receive, but we don't usually consider that part of that growth may mean leaving and leading. It's some scary stuff to swallow...so yeah, the shock analogy works. But maybe there's also an element of feeling ill-prepared or ill-equipped to do this, simple as it sounds... At least that's the boat Andy & I are in."

Angie, not to pick on you or anything (I know I'm way past that by now! Still love me?) but might you elaborate on that some more? What kind of support, preparation and equipping would need to feel safe to launch out? You may just be in the key position to answer one of the million dollar questions of simple churching! I'm all ears...

Here's a great review to a truly great book on this topic The Spontaneous Expansion of the Church by Roland Allen reviewed by Todd the Hunter. A classic reviewed by a pretty decent guy =)

2003-05-12T05:49:00.000-04:00

Bouncing back from the bottom of a short season in the unreflective life... been sick. I think I have had strep throat since January. Finally went to the doctor and he put me on antibiotics... note to self: if you're too busy to go to the doctor to get antibiotics for 5 months, you're too busy! He also gave me something for allergies since the dust at the shop is wreaking hovoc on my sinuses.

The shop. Today is a siginificant day at the shop. My dad has been gone for 6 weeks from the shop pursuing his his latest venture,/hobby/ retirement plan: real estate in Florida. (Hi Mike B!) ( I just can't write "Florida" without thinking of Mike the Bishop) Where was I.... Dad comes back to the shop after a 6 week hiatus. Word from my mother has is that he feels very comfortable leaving the shop with me there and plans to be gone a lot. Which is good but also leaves me wondering: "How will I learn the business with him gon?" Guess I'll just have to soak it up while I can.

New topic... mulitiplication. Living things grow and multiply. It's their nature. It's in their bio wiring. It's natural and supernatural. It's to be expected if everything goes according to plan. It's commanded. It's the first command in all of Scripture: Be fruitful and multiply. How does this apply to churches?

When I talk about my dreams inevitably the idea of a church planting movment in greater Cincinnati comes up. What would it look like to have a living, Christ presence in every neigborhood of this fair city? What would happen if there were a church, a re-incarnation of Christ within easy reach -- walking distance -- of every person in this city? That's my dream. I've carried that since college. I can't believe I'm telling you my secrets, my fantasies. But how do we even approach such a dream? It must involve multiplication... how does that happen?

One person on our leadership team recently said to us: "We've really been in a place of pruning for awhile. After a tree is pruned it goes into a state of shock where it literally does not grow. That's where VC is at." Made sense. We had been talking about the state of the churches in our network and most of them seem very healthy but they haven't multiplied much. Perhaps it's because we're in a state of temporary shock, suspended growth from all the transition. Maybe. My hunch is that now that we realize it we might be coming out of this season and ready to start multiplying. Maybe. Or maybe I'm just asking the wrong questions altogether. Maybe. I'm still holding on to the dream...

2003-05-06T09:03:00.000-04:00

Another Mid-west, emerging church guy has joined the kingdom of blog (a sub kingdom to THE Kingdom by the way... but you knew that!).... Chris Marshall

2003-04-29T05:42:00.000-04:00

My blog posting has become very irregular... most of my spare time has gone into renovating my kitchen and living room which makes me tired in the morning which is when I tend to blog which is why I'm not as regular. Life happens much faster than a blog at times... so many good things to write about.... we have guests coming this week all the way from Vancouver... Tom and Karen Wuest. Then this weekend we have about 6 people staying with us to discuss the direction of the midwest Greenhouse. Guess the kitchen got done in the nick of time.

A friend gave me a copy of Nouwen's book The Way of the Heart. A precious little book that deserves a second reading which I intend to begin right now... it's about solitude, silence and prayer. I'll keep you posted as I'm able... Sorry for the spotty posts lately...

2003-04-24T08:27:00.000-04:00

A new friend for the journey... looking forward to deepening our conversation and getting to know you Jim..... Jim (the)Best

2003-04-23T05:48:00.000-04:00

Life is happening faster than the speed of blog.... that's a good thing in many ways but dangerous if left unchecked. I want to live a reflective life not just a fast life, a blurry life. I want to punctuate my life with rest and evaluation of all the activity. Bibilically speaking I want... I NEED a Sabbath (right now) and I need to regularly be Sabbathing. The consuming activities right now are renovating our kitchen, the continous learning curve of a new business, the possible expansion of that business, and leading a church in my home. It's all good. It will all be fruitful. It's all hitting at once.

+++ Lord, help me to be faithful in the things that are before me and fruitful in due time. Give me the grace to enjoy these times and not let them be a blur that goes by before I can extract the meanings and the lessons and the shaping you have for me in them. I want to live aware, with eyes wide open.... my mouth gaping with wonder at your hand moving through the events of my life and those I'm priviledged to have around me. +++

We had an excellent home church gathering last night... more to come on that later today hopefully (and I still haven't forgotten that I owe everyone a summary of my recent trips... that's coming too)

2003-04-15T04:20:00.000-04:00

OK. Just back from Colorado Springs and the DAWN gathering. Good time. Very refreshing and affirming. always is. More imprtantly it felt like we took some steps forward missionally. A few people were set apart to play a more strategic role in moving the group forward. Up to now it was 90% about the relationships deepening between the networks involved but we really didn't have a deeply shared mission. I think that is going to change with this new development. More on that as it develops...

Being with Tracy was the highlight for me. We talked a lot about what our household will be like in the coming months and dreamed for the years ahead. The only concrete things we know right now are that we want it to be a very welcoming, beautiful space (physically) and we want to help people discover and develop their unique gifts and callings. Of course there are depths to that will only unfold over time... but it feels so, so good to be partnered with her in all this.

I'm working on an e-pistle about my recent trips and out upcoming Easter gathering. You should be getting that soon... if you're not on the list for those and wanna be just drop me a line (via email) and I'll put ya on. More to come...

2003-04-08T05:54:00.000-04:00

Sadly, I was unable to keep the blog rolling while in PA... the event kept me/us too busy and unconnected from the net. The event was run more like a rock show than a conference. I went there as a speaker but quickly got recruited to (also) run sound and even a camera at one point. Did I mention I've only done sound a couple times and never run a camera in my life? It all worked out though... those Mennonites are kind, forgiving people. That was interesting tension though... some of the movie clips had some swearing in them. That was tolerated at best. The sound was loud. Again, tolerated. There was lots of secular music playing at the breaks. We got talked to a couple times. Our hosts were so gracious but it made me realize how far removed from certain sectors of Christianity I am. No conclusions on right or wrong, better or best or anything like that. I'm just musing. Of course the content was awesome and well presented though it mostly felt like review for me since I knew most of the speakers or have read their books. Good to review what we think we know sometimes. There was much food for thought. Brian McClaren was great as always. I could listen to him for hours. So engaging as a person and such a good communicator and thinker. We need to clone him.

Of course many of the best things at an event like this happen off-line. Things like Philly cheese steaks washed down with questionable beverages at 2 am while gut laughing with some of the finest people in the mid west. That was actually one thing I noticed: There was a lot of laughter. The team that pulls these events off (and I guess I'm among them now... I got a shirt at least for running sound) laugh a whole lot.

I also got to see though much too briefly an old aqcuaintance Mark Tindall. He's planted a Vineyard in Philly. It was much too brief of a time with him. There's aguy who is just bursting with gifting and character that I'd love to hang with more. How many more reasons do I need to visit the North east again? I'm feeling a road trip coming on...

Also got to hang with a fine gentleman who is moving to Cincinnati and may be living with us in ye' old Brownhouse. More to come as that develops. It would be amazing to have this guy... we'll see if it transpires...

2003-04-04T07:22:00.000-05:00

Greetings from the fair state of Pennsylvania! I'm blogging from a hotel this morning. Actually, not for long since we're going to set up the Off the Map event this morning... I'll try to keep the blog rolling during the event. No promises. I'm hopeful.... peace....

2003-04-02T05:41:00.000-05:00

Spent most of the day yesterday going to junk yards looking for good "rebuilders" ie cars that were totaled by an insurance company but still fixable. Found an 01 Nissan Sentra... nothing fancy but the price was right and the parts were available. We're thinking about doing 1-2 cars a month like this --- buy, fix, sell. I think it may be way to make a little income for the shop, keep my guys busy during the slow times and also help my friends. I've had a lot of people ask me if I know of any good used cars since I'm now an expert on all things cars after being in the business for nearly 5 months now... (if you want me to look for something specific my friends let me know via email)... we also might trick this one out a little with some ground effects and a few modest extras.... that's another market we've considered getting into. So it's a bit of a trial run.

Looks like the Nixons are about 1 week from moving out and into their new crib next door. Pretty exciting stuff. We only missed the target date by 8 months but who's counting? It will be a whole new season fort them and for the brownhouse. I'm a little sad and excited at the same time. It will be an opportunity for TRacy and I to strike out on our own a bit. If you care to pray for us pray that we'll increasingly discover the call, the charism that God wants us to live especially as it relates to the Brownhouse. We're thinking it'll be somewhere between a bed and breakfast and a monastery with a possibility of a smattering of orphanage thrown in somewhere down the line. It's going to be a major topic of conversation/prayer for us for a while....

Tomorrow I leave for Philly to participate in an off the map evangelism conference. Very cool gig. Very special people. More to come on that soon....

Always remember - - you are loved.

2003-03-31T05:46:00.000-05:00

You all love me right? And you won't judge me if I tell you I went to a gay bar on Friday night and danced like it was 1989, right? Well I did. With several of my friends. We had a little going away party for Brent that involved some toasting with the best Scottish liquid money can buy, Lagavulin. We blessed/toasted him after dinner for a couple hours then chanted the evening prayers then headed off to 80's night at a local club. I haven't had that much fun in a loooooooooong time. It felt like I imagine worship to feel like when it's really happening. Actually I felt like I was worshipping and praying the whole time I was on the floor gettin my groove on (not even sure what that means, please forgive me if that is something gross... I'm just talkin smack). Some song highlights for me were "Send me an Angel" "Halloween" and "Sweet Dreams" by the Eurythmics. Serious, serious fun happenin. And of course we stayed to the wee hours... I got to bed around 2:30 and did I mention I work on Saturdays? Not fun getting up at 6:00 but somehow I was still energetic.... dancing does that somehow for me. It exhausts and energizes at the same time. I saw several old friends from my Clubhouse days... (I haven't told those stories here yet... I used to own a dance club in dowtown Cincinnati back in college... 'nother time) There were several points when we were there where I was thinking, "I know I'm in the right church when I can chant the evening Psalms then go dancing for several hours with my friends at a gay bar" It was interesting to have meaningful conversations about Church of the SAviour (thanks Donna) and minutes later be pogoing to Send me an Angel. Fun, fun night....

Part 2 of this entry: I'm reading everything I can get my hands on about Calling and Gifts... mostly stuff by Elizabeth O'Conner from Church of the Savior.... much more to come on that... it's perculating.

I also just bought a Coldplay CD. Amazing, transcendent sounds...

2003-03-27T05:57:00.000-05:00

Essence. Contemplation. Call. Mission. Those are all the themes I want to explore from my time at C of S. Thanks for all the comments/suggestions. Very helpful. I'll just have to pick up those themes one at a time and start unpacking it and living it and reading about and writing about in MY context, in my actual life and see what happens. They all kind of blend together really. I need to jump in somewhere.... contemplation is as good as any.

They talked a lot about contemplation. More on this trip than my last. Contemplation/ centering prayer seems to be the core of how they explore the "Inward journey." The deal is that members commit to an hour a day of prayer. A large portion of that time of prayer consists of just sitting still and quieting the mind and letting God do whatever God wants to do. It's very passive form of prayer. It's also a very ancient and wise practice in my opinion. We practiced it several times while there as a group and I'm trying to incorporate it more into my prayer life. Here's the dealio... Willard has said that almost anything can be a spiritual discipline and that it's important to find practices that actual help us disengage from the world/culture/self and engage the kingdom of God. He writes somewhere about there not being an exact and final list of practices but how we need to be creative and find ones that actually will be helpful in our real life contexts. Contemplation is one that seems to be important for me. My world - and I think for most of urbanites this will be true across the board - is very noisy and visually cluttered. My tendancies personality wise are toward control and taking charge. So having a discipline where i sit for 20 minutes a day and eliminate to the best of my ability the noise and visual clutter in my life and do absoltely nothing is important. It's a time that I'm especially passive in my relationship to God and just let him do whatever he wants. All I do is show up and shut up (and that includes not even mentally making requests or chattering). So far it's been an exercise in just trying to focus and not be consumed with random pesky thoughts. Just staying in that space of quiet and stillness is really the hard work.

Tying this back into C of S... I have never met such a high concentration of truly deep, spiritual people. There are several people who I have interacted with and thought "Wow, they have their stuff together spiritually and are really exploring the depths..." At C of S it seems like everyone is like that. There moms and pastors and child care workers and hosts and .... they all are experiencing a deep, meaningful spirituality and to a person they credit contemplative prayer for their depth. (They're also very humble and would probably be embaressed by what I've just written) (Time to practice what I blog... see ya later)

2003-03-26T10:05:00.000-05:00

Hey world! check out my new friend's website... he's a church planter just north of Cincy... Sonlight Fellowship

2003-03-26T05:35:00.000-05:00

You ever have that experience where you go away to a retreat or conference and come back so full of ideas, delight, wonder, empowerment and then you try to translate that experience to others and even start applying all that you learned and are excited about and people just don't seem to get it or be all that interested?

I never have... just curious....

On a COMPLETELY other note I'm trying to find ways to trabslate and communicate my DC experience to friends and family and start trying out some of the ideas generated while there. It's challenging...

2003-03-25T05:56:00.000-05:00

Thanks for all the comments, articles and opinions on my previous post re: Atkin's diet...

My weekend in DC at church of the Savior was just amazing. There are way too many highlights for any kind of thorough treatment so I thought I would just list some of the significant things:

- travelling with my pal Brent was so good. The man is hilarious especially while air drumming.
- there were so much talk about centering and contemplative prayer. It seems to be a key discipline for all their people
- I have 38 new British friends.... several Vineyards from Britain (and a couple Baptists) were there as well
- the Bed and Breakfast around the corner where we stayed was a delight...
- eating (and drinking) Mexican and talking theology with Brian McClaren... The creeds as story.... I'm still unpacking all that was said.
- Gordon Cosby's talk with his southern draw and quasi black preacher cadence....
- visiting a couple ministries that grew organically from a couple people with a call and vision into multi million dollar service agencies...
- debreifing the sessions and furthering conversations at Tryst coffee house
- hanging with Jeff and Alicia Bailey at their home that has morphed from a bachelor pad into a truely warm, welcoming home since my last visit (though the bachelor pad was cool too!) We ended our time in DC with a brunch at a little place call Savory... highly recommended.

There will probably be more specifics coming in the form of ongoing reflections and maybe even an article if I can figure out how to live on 4 hours sleep...

2003-03-19T05:46:00.000-05:00

Is anybody else doing or have they tried the Atkin's diet? I'm giving it a try right now.... (Keck, did I hear you were doing it or was that something I made up in my head?) MMMMMMmmmmm eggs and bacon..... that's next!

Actually, I'm pretty hungry. I'm going to take care of that now and blog later....

(if I don't make it back.... I'm leaving for DC tomorrow to visit Church of the Saviour.... I'm sure there'll be lots to report upon my return)

2003-03-17T09:27:00.000-05:00

Good morning... here's a little interview I did for Jim H this morning... not sure if or how he'll use it but I wanted to post it here for the heck of it....

He's asking Chrsi Marshall and I the same set of questions....

************************************************+

How did you guys meet and why since you live in the same city did you not meet sooner?

I met Chris because a guy from New Zealand mentioned him on his website. So essentially we lived for years in the same city, share a near identical vision for church and ministry, but met becasue a guy half way around the world wrote a couple sentances about this experiment in Cincinnati called "Ordianry Community." We probably didn't meet any sooner becasue we're not marketing genuises, not interested in promoting our churches... we're more interested in flying under the radar and stirring up trouble quietly and in hidden ways... guerilla church! I guess if we were good at marketing and promotion we would be running a big business... or a big church.

What's your church background, which groups/denominations have you been a part of ?

I was baptized Episcopalian as a baby, grew up Baptist, spent a couple years in an independant Reformed church in high school, and eventually migrated toward the Vineyard via YWAM during my college days. All my current heroes are Roamn Catholic. I'm a spiritual mut.

Whats been happening in the midwest in relationship to the missional community movement?

I recently heard Bono speak in Indianapolis and he said something to the effect of "One could easily grow a movement in the fertile soil of the Mid-west." That really resonated with me and confirmed what I have felt since I was a kid. I grew up in Cincinnati and have dreamed since high school of a disciple making, church planting movment in my hometown and this whole region. What started happening a few years ago is that several like minded young dreamers started finding each other (mostly via the internet) and began relating. I hope it doesn't sound corny - I'll say it anyway - I've just fallen head over heels for these guys the more I've gottent to know them. There's this informal web of relationships that exists from Cincy to Lexington to Columbus to Indianapolis to Dayton... A few years ago this web literally did not exist and then a couple years ago there were threads between each city via a couple friendships and now there are multiple groups in each of these cities dreaming strikingly similar dreams.

Let's keep it real - When it comes to being edgy, Cincinnati isn't the first city that comes to mind- how did that happen?

Cincinnati rocks! We just don't want everybody moving here so we keep it kind of quiet. It's truly an amazing city but I can't tell you why in this public forum or there might be a mass movement here and we'll lose that small town mixed with big city flare we have. Ooops -- I may have just told you part of the secret. The rest will require a decoder ring.

What's the reason you guys gathered a bunch of like minded missional community types

We're desperate. Pioneering is lonely, slow and hard. It helps to have a few other people who really get it to speak into your life.

Why the name - it's origins for the uninitated

Actually it's just a nick name. On the way to the first meeting I was strongly impressed to not name it and not try to make it anything. Just build a few friendships and let Jesus do what he wants with it. So we decided to not name it. Perhaps a name will emerge. Chris can tell you how we got the nickname -- he said it first.

What are you hoping to accomplish through Fight Club?

uh hmmm "Fight Club"... to support, mutually equip, resource, love, and network a few guys that dream similar dreams... that are interested in being a part of a movement that Jesus leads and they facilitate... and to pick a few fights along the way...

From your perspective- what is a missional community- what sets it apart from say a traditional church?

They tend to be smaller by design. They are more like AA or Fight Clubs than institutions. They talk more about reproduction than growth, relationships more than meetings. They are poorer. They rarely have buildings and don't dream of getting one and when they do get one they're not really sure what to do with it. They have no super stars. They read Nouwen more than Warren, and Church history more than Barna... but love the whole church and are not angry or reactive against the traditionals or the mega-church guys... they just dream something different. Basically we want to be part of a kingdom movement and not about buiding an empire.

What is it about this movement that you enjoy most? What worries you most?

I sometimes feel like I'm carrying around this secret in my pocket. Sometimes I take it out and look at it and feel like giggling. Other times I pull it out and it scares me like maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be. Mostly I love the room to create and experiemnt and try things and fail and nobody in the big world of evangelicalism really cares all that much. I guess i love feeling like a scientist who is banking his whole life on an idea or a designer fooling around with prototypes all the while putting the idea/prototype through the most rigorous tests and refining it, reworking it, rethinking it... at times nearly starting over. But there's that sense of possible discovery, of finding something that actually works and ends up being helpful, a blessing to lots of people. That's what I enjoy... the experimentation for a purpose.

What worries me is that we'll succeed at being "communities" but fail at being "missional." I think the community part is happening pretty naturally. The missional part still needs a lot of work. At least with the communities I'm a part of and most of the ones I know of. I'm hopeful though... we have time. We'll figure it out. We have incredible resources like the Spirit of Christ, models from church history like the Celtis missionary monastics, some good mentors are emerging like Todd Hunter and the wonderful Jim Henderson.... and time is on our side. Most of the folks I'm tracking with are in their 20 and 30's.

Why do you love Off the Map and worship Jim Henderson

Becasue I'm commanded to love even when it's difficult.... just kidding. Jim, you're smart enough, good enough and dog gone it, people like you! I affirm you....

2003-03-14T06:54:00.000-05:00

Norman, "The Man," Kraus continues to inspire... here's some more samples....

At the end of his chapter on Incarnation he writes this:

"Our mission is to recreate communities of discourse in which the language of the gospel can be communicated. Identification, that is, fullest association with others in feelings, interest, and action, is the incarnational shape of authentic witness. Such a stance requires genuine respect.... confidence that every human culture can become an instrument for communicating the good news, willlingness on the part of witnesses to forsake their power base and TO BUILD INTERDEPENDANT, MUTUALLY HELPFUL AND PERSON ENHANCING RELATIONSHIPS "IN CHRIST'"

There's a lifetime of work and adventure contained in that sentance for me. That's what I want to do over and over and over and help others do over and over and over. The exciting thing to me is that it's doable! Most of the people I know already have the skills to pull this off. It's not complicated. It's about as easy as making a friend and sharing a meal. We have added so many layers to what church is. Oh my! Can we just get back to breaking bread (ie eating) together and adding friends to the circle? How hard is that really? Yes it will take years but what else are you going to do with your life?

** I glanced over just now and a foot note of the chapter caught my eye: Referring to somebody named Taylor he writes: We must "recognize the normalness and normativeness of the little congregations -- the two or three where Christ is in their midst... it is the 'little congregations' which must become normative if the church is to respond to the spirit's movements in the life of the world." **

And I'm spent...

2003-03-13T11:10:00.000-05:00

Unpacking this idea of incarnation as the model for ministry and witness,
Krause three core practices: mutuality, dialog and vulnerability.

- Mutuality: not creating a dependant relationship but an empowering one
with those we wish to serve, serving not dominating, an openess to receive
and learn and not just give and teach, reciprocity

- Dialog: through a combination of listening and talking we search for a
common means of discourse, a path, for the gospel to be heard and seen.
Chris Marshall and the off the map evangelism folks do this so well. Chris
talks aboout "paying attention" as the currency of the modern world. When we
listen and are genuinely interested in others we invest in them and this
opens up the possibility of them hearing and seeing the gospel in us.
Philippians 2 all the way!

"Dialog is not a technique or gimmick to gain the attention and interest of
the other person, but an essential component of the message itself."
(Krause) In other words we don't just listen so that THEY will finally
listen to US but we recognize that in the actual act of listening and
talking, giving and recieving we are embodying the gospel, the good news
that God is open, available, attentive.

- Vulnerability: acknowledging our dependance on those we wish to
reach/serve, not coming with big power, money or prestige but in weakness.
Sheep in the midst of wolves, the cross. I'm reminded here of Henri Nouwen
in his book In the Name of Jesus where he talks about authentic leadership
for the 21st century needing to become vulnerable and irrelevant... Read
that book at your own peril. I'm still getting over it... in a painful but
good way...

"But what does vulnerability mean today?... it means to put ourselves in a
place of acknowledged dependence, it means listening and learning.... making
ourselvesd truly open and avilable to them. It means costly involvement in
the needs and suffering of those around us." (Krause)

What this all boils down to (for those like me who need something
actionable) is listening. I need to listen today, to *pay* attention. If I
can do that, if WE can do that, really, really do it and not just talk about
it.... if we take time to stop and shut up and let others "have their say"
and we can be genuinely interested and concerned.... well, then, we're on
our way....

2003-03-11T06:34:00.000-05:00

Folks, Krause is coming dangerously close to giving a deep apologetic and theological understanding to what I've only intuited (is that a word?) and groped for when it comes to ecclesiology. Here's one that just hit me between the eyes:

After a brief look at the incarnation and some of the nuances of the heresy that most challenges it (docetism) Krause launches this missile, "The church then, not as scattered individuals fulfilling vocations within the secular structures and not as one of the institutional powers, but as SMALL GROUPS OF AWARENESS caught up in the excitement of communion and communication are the units of incarnational witness. They are the dynamic components of a 'common universe of discourse' created by the Holy Spirit for the ongoing encounter of God with the human family. Witness to God's salvation is the purpose of incarnation." (I couldn't help myself with the CAPS)

So where I've borrowed more a technological vocabulary (a decentralized network of small missional churches) Krause, my new hero, is putting better, more theologically astute language around what I dream of. This is good...

It's going to be hard to not quote the restof the chapter at this point.... it's all so good... here's the next few lines after the above quote and then I'll stop for the day: "Communication of the gospel of salvation is as we have already noted a personal or self communication. The message is Christ, not doctrine about him; it is life not ethical principles. The words spoken are words of introduction to Christ himself. The goal is not the mere transfer of religious information but... a trnasmission of a "third" -- a person. Our words are words of introduction."

Wow!

2003-03-10T05:52:00.000-05:00

Haven't blogged in a few. Not feeling well. Now I'm really behind (as opposed to just mildly). Working on an e-pistle this morning. Blogging will resume soon... The next section of that book Authentic Witness is how the incarnation is the uber-model of all our "outreaching" promises to be amazing....

2003-03-06T06:47:00.000-05:00

I joined a fight club... but the first rule is "You do not talk about fight club".... so, I;m shutting up now. Don't worry, it's not the kind of fight club where people get hurt... at least I hope not. there I go... talking about FC... I'll stop.

OK. Where was I? Authenticity! Authenticity has an innate authority. Authenticity in the sense I'm using it (as defined in yesterday's post) means that the authentic has weight, authority, sway. Not imposed authority. But influence becasue of it's very nature. This could esoteric real quick so let me just remnind myself what I'm actually talking about. If someone wanted to learn to play piano they would find a piano teacher and listen to them, obey them even when it came to piano playing becasue the one with the ability, and experience automatically has influence. The student doesn't get to decide what gets practiced or .... the teacher imposes this with the long range goal that the exercises and the obedience and the following will lead to the student being able t play the piano and maybe even become a teacher themself one day and pass on the art and craft of piano playing. I'm sure we can see where this is going... here's Kraus again...

"Authenticity, then, implies more than sincere, transparent or unaffected individuality. Implicit in the concept is the notion of an original criterion or model which has an inherent quality of self authentication, a model which has acknowledged value and real potential. A genuine authority is one that is intrinsic to us. Legitimate authority is the power of the authentic over us."

And then tying this to our discipleship: "The Christ is not portrayed simply as God to be adored in pious devotion and served by a verbal proclamation of his atoning sacrifice but rather as an authoritative exemplar to be followed in life adn mission"

So far the gist of book has been: Authenticity means being true to an original. Jesus Christ is the Original, the Real, the Prototypical human being... the fulfillment of the dream God has for humanity. So we model our lives and the collective life of our faith communities on His Life.

And we fumble, and stumble forward toward becoming the kind of person he is...

2003-03-05T06:41:00.000-05:00

Well, Lent begins today. I think I'll follow my father in laws lead this year who every year for lent gives up lent.

I'm reading The Authentic Witness by Norman Kraus. Not a well known book at least I had never heard of it but one that needs to be read by anyone thinking through what church is and what it will become. I found it (or it found me) at a used book sale. I took a chance on it for 50 cents... it was worth the investment by the first paragraph. I plan to read and reflect on it for awhile here in the old blog-space. It deserves a slow,soaking read. And that's what I intend to do over the next few weeks.

Here's a start: "When we speak of movements or institutions as authentic we mean that they are true to their originl prototypes in charachter and purpose...the word authentic comes fron the Greek word authentikos, meaning original...authenticity indicates that the organization or movement continues the spirit charachter and intention of the original founders. It does not to be a replica... Common today is the use of authenticity and sincerity as full synonymnsbut there is an important distinction. Sincerity is a subjective psychological concept indicating an inner attitude of transparency... authenticity describes a concrete form, identity, or quality which corresponds to an original exemplar... sincerity does not guarentee authenticity."

Pop culture admonishes us all the time to be sincere but in a personal, privatized "true to your self" kind of way. phrases like "Keepin' it real" and "get real!" and "Coke, the real thing" show us that there is a real (punny) hunger for authenticity, sincerity, for real-ness. Where it becomes twisted and needs to be corrected is that if everyone was "true to themself" we'd be in trouble! I do not want child molesters being true to themselves. I do not want murderers being true to themselves. Hell, from what i know of myself I don't want to be true to myself... at least not my angry, easily frustrated, weak, embaressing, argumentative self. And that is precisely where authenticity comes in. I want to be true to an original... I want to be the kind of being that God dreamed about when he created humanity. I want to live up to the fullest expression of being a man. I want to authenitcally bear the image of God.

Enter Jesus ...aka the second Adam, the Son of Man, the fullest embodiment of God's ideal human... of what he originally had in mind when he breathed into the dusty first Adam. He (Jesus) is the protoype, the original, the real deal. So my advice to myself today is DO NOT be true to myself... be true to the Original.

This applies (or at least I will be applying it) in two distinct but related areas: personal discipleship and community mission. Personal discipleship is each individual increasingly imitating and living up to the Original design for humanity and #2 is as a community of faith are WE together living up to the Original? We are called his "body"... a second and ongoing incarnation of Christ... how are we as his body living up to or not living up to the original?

"Authentic.... and this is the classical meaning, implies that the genuine model of personhood is to be found outside ourselves in one who is the historical exemplar. The Christian claim is that Jesus Christ is such an authntic model for human life and community."

OK... I'm only half way through the first chapter. This is going to be good mind and soul food... I've needed this... Thank you Lord. Thank you Norman.

2003-03-04T05:43:00.000-05:00

Went down to the fair city of Lexington this weekend to be with my friends from VBCC and to meet some other members of Jesus tribe. Great time. So excited Chris and Nikki and all kids Marshall (Ordinary Community) went from Cincy as well. There really is something growing here in the fertile midwestern soil. Right now it's just a bunch of tiny shoots but those little things are throwing some pretty deep roots which shows a lot of promise. >>> Lord, show us how to nurture these shoots to maturity. Please do your mysterious hidden work of growth in this soil >>>

Lent begins tomorrow.

2003-02-28T06:37:00.000-05:00

I try to bless my kids every night before they fall asleep. It's a simple thing really that is just me speaking a few prepared words and a few spontaneous words over them as they drift off. Some nights they're asleep before I even leave the room. I've written couple of my own and borrowed others from scripture. Sometimes I sing it for them. It is typically one of the high points of my day and many days THE high point. Recently my son asked me to write a new one cause "we've been doing the same one for a long time" (a couple months). At that point Zoe rolled over in her bed (she was facing the wall and I thought she was asleep already) and says, "I want a Cinderella blessing!" I said "But Honey, Cinderella isn't in the Bible..." Then She gave me that daddy's girl look that mixed disaapointment with "Who cares - Do it anyway!" She can melt me easier than she knows -- and when she figures it out... well, I'm scared to think what will happen... her mother's going to have to step up. Anyway, I melted and promised to work on a Cinderella blessing. I'm open to ideas... right now I'm working with themes like hidden beauty, hope, quiet service, and perseverance. I hope God's ok with this... my hunch is he's more fine with it than me. I'M the religious one... He seems cool and relaxed and composed about things like this... anyway... I'm working on it...

(I know I seem to be telling family stories lately... hope you don't mind. I'll get back to emerging/missional/simple/home Church stuff eventually)

My son lost his first tooth last night right into a piece of pizza. We were having dinner as a family... that was odd to begin with. It was only the second time since he was born 6 years ago that I can remeber having a "just the Rains" family dinner. But it was good timing. We got to celebrate this milestone around a meal as a family. The tooth fairy (ie mom) took care of him by the way. (ie dad's change box got drained to the tune of $7)

2003-02-28T06:21:00.000-05:00

I'm going to here April 4-5. Please come. (If you come let's grab a guiness late one night. It'll be our little secret. The Mennonites won't mind I'm sure....hell, a few of them may join us!)

2003-02-27T05:41:00.000-05:00

Last night I had dinner with Chad. We used to meet every week for coffee but that all changed when I got a "real" job. It was good to catch up. When I got home Tracy asked how our time was and I replied, "I love that guy!" She laughed... I must have said it in a way that sounded cheesy or like a high school basketball player might say it about a team mate. I don't know. I could ask her but that wouldn't be kind at this hour. The truth is, it was my honest, spontaneous, off the cuff, initial response. I tried to explain it to her a little... "you know there are just those preciously few people in your life that you really connect with and miss them when you don't see them for awhile..." It didn't matter. I knew what I meant. She thought it was "cute." So I kissed her goodnight and went to bed.

My dad and I had another talk yesterday about leadership style. I'm starting to think that he thinks I'm too soft, too easy on the guys. We are from different generations and therefore different mindsets, different models, different.... we're just different. He is giving me a surprising amount of latitude to run/guide things my way but there are those moments. It started over a note. He asked to post a note on the office door asking the employees to stay outside the office while a customer was in there. I didn't want to do that. I'm sure he had his reasons and I know I had mine. It just didn't feel right in to post a note. I thought it would alienate the guys, seperating the shop from the office, potentially driving a wedge between technician and manager. He likes the seperation and making sure everyone know their place. I'd like to develop a team approach. He is older, wiser, more experienced. I am younger, naive, but hopeful... I posted the note and "caught" the guys mocking it amongst themselves only a couple hours later. They are used to it though. They read it, laughed, and continued to come in the office all day yesterday. It didn't work but it also didn't drive a wedge. There is no moral to this story (yet). I'm still thinking about it.

2003-02-26T06:56:00.000-05:00

My best morning in months! My wife got up and came downstairs this morning before I left for work. She made me coffee, we laughed again about Zoe's worship/performance last night, and I kissed her goodbye. It was odd and energizing to see her this early. Usually I'm asleep by 9:30pm and she doesn't get up till after I'm gone in the morning. Proverbial morning person wed to a night person.... I got a glimpse of what it might be like to be old together. Funny what the fingers choose as they skate across the keyboard... time for morning prayers with the household. peace.

2003-02-26T06:07:00.000-05:00

I love my daughter. That's her in the picture up above in the sunglasses. At our Tuesday night gathering (ie church) she sang spontaneous love songs to God. It got a little off track at a couple points when she started singing about and then talking to her imaginary friends but those were brief rabbit trails to the worship she was giving. All the adults were singing at the time. I had my guitar and Matt had his. She sat between us with her little guitar that actually is a guitar but not even close to in tune (it doubles as a shield for my son when he plays Lord of the Rings). I went back and forth between being embaressed and deeply moved as I watched her sing. My wife was in tears with laughter... I was so proud of her. She sang her heart out and I mean that in terms of volume and emotional intensity. At several points she raised her hands and closed her eyes. She totally gets worship in a way I can't even approach. The main thought I'm having as I reflect on this is how badly I want what she's got when it comes to worship: intensity, lack of concern for what others think, and spontaneity. I love my daughter.

2003-02-25T06:12:00.000-05:00

Mark 2:1-12 >>> Lectio (or at least an attempt)

The story of the paraplegic and his friends going through the roof to reach Jesus.

The words that have jumped out at me over the past several readings have been (from the Peterson translation) Jesus was "impressed by their bold belief." So that's what impresses Jesus! Bold belief... the kind of belief that will stop at nothing to get at him confident that he has answers and abilities that we need to understand and access for this life and the next. Bold belief... the kind of belief that will rip off a roof to get at him. The kind of belief that is infectious enough for 4 people to get in on the gig and help a friend get to Jesus. The kind of belief that will risk climbing on a roof, destroying a person's home for the chance to touch Jesus. "Without faith it is impossible to please God" (Writer of Hebrews teaches us) So, is the converse then true: With faith we please God? Faith means confidence. If I have faith in my dentist I will trust her enough to sit in a chair, open my mouth and let her stick small sharp objects in my mouth knowign that contrary to what that might look like in any other setting she is going to help me. Faith in Jeus is confidence in his ability to live life the best way possible. To trust his way more than my way. That's faith and it can feel just as risky as sitting in that dentist's chair. But it's a risk worth taking. Where else are we going to find answers for how to live? Jesus was no passing self-help guru. His teachings have stood the test of time. Now his followers have screwed things up quite a bit. But he seems ok with that as long as they are moving in the right direction. He's the model. He's the man. He's the Son a Man... a title given to him later in this same passage that deserves some study and reflection. I'll be right back on that....

2003-02-25T05:37:00.000-05:00

Good morning. Last night I had dinner with that wonderful soul from Columbus known as Palmer. We ate burrito's and talked about Jesus, war, and starting a fight club with Eric Keck who could, with little effort, seriously hurt us for life. But he wouldn't do it cause he loves us. Definitely a guy you would want in your corner. I met palmer's friend's (not his "boys" as we discovered) David and Sef (not a misspelling... I asked). Those guys have a great thing going. (and Jennifer you are an awesome wife for letting your hubby go to a show on a Monday night!)

News from the inner landscape... no news. There are thoughts brewing but they need that time to perculate.

Oh, I'm going this week to see Alan, several other Creech's and the whole Lexington VBCC crew this weekend for their inaugral (sp?) monthly celebration. And we get to spend the night and hang out the next day too. Should be awesome.

I'm tempted to babble but I'll spare myself and you the trouble. What I really need is some time to pray. I'll go do that and see what happens.

2003-02-21T06:35:00.000-05:00

Lots going on right now. Trying to sort out my place among some new friends and how that connects to what I'm already doing. Not trying to be cryptic or anything but there's just some things I need to handle off-line. Those who read my blog will among the first to know what I'm talking about when I can talk about what I'm talking about. =)

For now, read Bill's comments on my post below about "paying attention." There are some awesome quotes that deserve a good chewing and some rumination.... I mean REALLY good... as in "the best-thing-I've-read-in-months good."

peace.

(I'll be back and open wide the chest cavity and put my heart on my sleeve again soon. (I am an introvert you know, just processing inside and local for a couple days)

2003-02-19T06:43:00.000-05:00

Next-wave is awesome this month! Check out the articles by my friends (and some of the finest practitioners I know) Alan, Mike, T, and Todd.

Charlie, you are doing a bang up job with e-mag... keep up the great work... we're reading! I know I owe you an article... how about one called "A Beginners Guide to Estimating Car Wrecks in the Emerging Church"? I'll work on it...

2003-02-19T05:30:00.000-05:00

Can I just say how much I love Mark Priddy, Eric Keck, and Todd Hunter? (well, I kinda just did!) These guys have come alongside me recently as friends and allies in some simple but profound ways. (Yes, encouragement does flow through the Instant Messages!!)

+++ Father, bless these servants today with a fresh round of experiencing rigtheousness, peace and joy. Today may they know your empowering presence in their own lives, their families, and their communities. Hedge them in with your security and assurance and blanket them with your love. +++

2003-02-19T05:18:00.000-05:00

Through a painful encounter with a close a friend yesterday I was reminded of a simple "rule" of how to love my neighbor... and of friendship for that matter: Be interested in what interests them and always keep their best interests in mind. I'm sure there's a better, more pithy way to say that but it's clearly taught in a fundamental New Testament passage, a hymn really about Jesus from Paul's letter to the Philippians. "Don't look to your own interests only, but also to the interests of others." I began to imagine what it would be like to be genuinely and intensely interested in what others are interested in and go into every conversation, every relationship with a mindset of "How can I draw out and explore the interests of this person?" using the simple acts of asking good questions and listening well. My friends Jim H and Chris M (who I get to hang out with tonight...whoo hoooo) remind me that attention is a major "currency" in the times we live in and that when we *pay* attention we're actually making a deposit in that person for the kingdom. I can only imagine what it would be like if whole families, and faith communities lived this way routinely. My mission today is simple: Pay attention!

2003-02-18T05:06:00.000-05:00

My son, Izaac, has a loose tooth. He told Tracy and I last night in the kitchen after dinner and the we all (household of 10+) erupted into spontaneous applause and cheers. It might have been overkill and he was a little embaressed but it was a brownhouse "moment"... Laura asked me to elaborate on the quote from yesterday's post... I don't really have anything else. It just seemed fitting for me for that day. I have been overly concerned with getting news and updates from others blogs and web sites and needed to pull in a little. It wasn't a slam against being informed of world events (though I do have a strong opinion that we are way over informed most of the time!). I'm reminded of a Thoreu line that I can't quite remeber full but goes something like "Don't read the news... read the eternities." I know I botched that and someone will likely help me get that right (hint, hint) but essentially what I take form that is the universe is much bigger and history much fuller than any given current event.... so read your newspaper if you must but also keep The Story (God, humanity, brokeness, restoration) in mind... well, I guess I did have a little more on that after all Laura. I better stop before someone starts quoting me or making me defend what I've written... it's a blog folks... it's not always going to be perfect... Laura, thanks for prodding me on this...

2003-02-17T05:49:00.000-05:00

"What need of so much news from abroad, when all that concerns either life or death is all transacting and at work within us?" William Law

2003-02-16T06:59:00.000-05:00

The funniest tag line I've read on a blog to date! Check out the top of Jeremiah's blog for a good laugh (Miah's blog) and keep reading for some fantastic, though self-effacing, writing/musings.

Miah, you rock!

2003-02-16T06:51:00.000-05:00

Hey Alan! Here I go blogging on a Sunday. So there.

The book I write in 20 years will begin thusly: "I remember when postmodern ministry was a Len Sweet book, a goatee, and lots of complaining about how corporate culture had infected the church as we sipped a double Latte at Starbucks (tm, reserved, copyright etc). Then we moved into the phase of complaining about all the negative reactions our complaining started. Why, we even had an editor from Leadership Journal writing articles complaining about our complaining. (at this juncture I would strike the Santa Clause pose as I leaned back in my rocker, inhaled a deep hit off my apple tobacco pipe and grinned as the next round of emerging leaders sat at my feet and hung on my every word). Then came the time when we actually started trying stuff and began failing and got all the 'I told you so's' thrown at us and the post modern resumes started flooding the mega churches once again. Now all that's left is irrelevant house churches and residential communities that still believe they can change the world.... and they might just do it."

Some times I have no idea where this stuff comes from. I've been up since 4:30 am surfing blogs. This is where I ended up. Writing the begining of a ficticious book that makes little sense.

Hey, at least I'm blogging on a Sunday... mostly to make a point to Alan. This is why I don't blog on the weekends. (Love you bro!)

2003-02-14T05:45:00.000-05:00

Added a link Tawd Bell, the closest thing I ever got to a little brother and among bestest of the best friends. Careful... he's a little subversive. He teaches me stuff all the time and has no idea. wouldn't want it going to his head... Tawd, welcome ablog!

2003-02-14T05:36:00.000-05:00

Well, this little adventure in asking has turned into a multi day event that is still going on! I wrote quite a bit yesterday but it doesn't seem appropriate to post (yet). Sorry for the hiatus... I plan to be more public about all this in a few days. It may be time for some of you who read other's blogs to actually start one... let me know if I can help....

Before I forget I had lunch and dinner yesterday with a couple of church planters. There's such a hunger for relationship, support, and encouragement among church planters. These guys are top shelf and you'll likely be hearing more about them in my blog.

Peace.

2003-02-12T05:46:00.000-05:00

Mark 1.40-45 Lectio

There's a lot going on in this passage that is easy to miss. A lot of stuff that I missed for years. NT Wright has helped but I have a long way to go. There's all kinds of social and relgious standards that Jesus is breaking in touching the leper and that speaks to his authority to even decide to do that. He is demonstrating a new Order, a new Society, a new Kingdom.

As I read the passage this morning though the thing that really shimmered for me was Jesus compassionate response to the leper: "I want to." As I internalized this thought I it struck me that there are probably several things that Jesus wants to say yes to that I'm just not asking for. He is portrayed in the gospels as someone is ready to say yes once asked. Asking and receiving is the way things are transacted, accomplished in the Kingdom of God. "Ask and you will receive" "You have not because you ask not." Seems so simple yet that's the only way. So thins morning I'm going offline to ask. Seems a little too initimate for a blog but there are several things I plan to ask for. I'll let you know what he says if that seems appropriate tomorrow. Peace.

2003-02-11T05:56:00.000-05:00

Good morning. Where's the coffee? I have a mind that is foggy today... coming off a sinus bout from yesterday. How can I center myself... that is always the question. Somehow writing centers me if I just stay with it and don't yield to the temptation to surf other's blogs until I'm finished. That's an importnat discipline for me. If all I do is read others stuff I end up just regurgitating it (thankfully lots of it is worth repeating) or reacting to it. So here I sit, everyday (some days are more successful than others) typing, writing, letting the words pour from the tips of my fingers. Mundane, at times. But always honest (I promise). Why do you read and how can I get you out of my head so I can write like there's no audience. For all I know there isn't one on any given day. I write to center myself. To coleect myself. To gather myself up into one place and time. To focus my mind where my body is. To quiet my spirit. It's an act of (or an attempt at) getting prepared to worship, to acknowledge and honor that Trinitarian Reality that is both outside me, around me, beyond me and in me. A mystery. One that is true. "In quietness and rest is your strength. Rest in me. Find me. look for me. I'm the quiet presence that can be found everywhere. I want to be found but I want you to look." I have set the llord always before me. Because he is at my hand I will not be moved. At your right hand are pleasures and joys forever. I am a blessed man. My lot is secure and it is good. I have a generous Father and an incredible inheritance. Funny what the mind and fingers choose as they skate across the keys. Sometimes these things spill out and I don't knwo where they come from. I didn't know I had it in me...? that's probably because it comes from beyond me. I am merely a sprinkler that his water flows through. What good is a sprinkler without water? Lord, turn it on today... my part is small but I want to play it well. Douse, drench, the places, the people around me today. I am yours. Always have been. Always will be.

2003-02-10T06:05:00.000-05:00

Mark 1:29-39 Lectio

As I've continued to think about this passage I'm struck by the rhythm of community, ministry and solitude. Jesus is with his closest companions, Jesus is healing masses of people, Jesus is alone. This short passage and the actual life of Jesus when he walked among us blends all that seamlessly into a day. There's something about starting the day in solitude that brings clarity. Clarity of purpose... for the day and for a life. That's what i see happening here. Jesus is alone (but not really alone since presumably he is talking with God the Father and the Spirit). His disciples come looking for him announcing everyone's expectations for his day and he firmly but kindly announces,"No. That's not what I'm called to do. Let's go to another town. That's what I'm supposed to do." Clarity. He knows this becasue he listens. He knows this becasue solitude is the environment in which we know such things. He knows this becasue that's the kind of things that good listeners know. How easy it can be to follow others expectations, others desires for our lives. How adventurous to follow God's lead and nobody else's.

+++ Lord, in this quiet place show me what you want me to do today. Give me the grace and the strength - the guts - to follow where your lead alone. Soon there will be many voices calling out to me today telling me what to do with my day. May your voice emerge most clearly and may I have the courage to listen. ...+++

2003-02-10T05:33:00.000-05:00

Good weekend. I worked a full day on Saturday but managed to get a short conversation with Jim Henderson in. What a huge blessing he has become in a short time. Saturday night took Izaac to see free style motocross... amazing. We splurged on some good seats and ate lots of junk food like cotton candy, snow cones, jumbo dogs, nachos etc. Mom was horrified when I told her. He was on a huge sugar buzz. Kind of funny actually. His eyes were like saucers when he saw the guys jumping 40 feet high and 70 feet long. amazing what these guys can do on a bike. Most imporatnatly it was a memory of us together. We had a blast.

Sunday was uneventful. Enjoyed a good walk with Dave Barr. We sometimes pray when we walk. We ended up tellling stories of when God's presence was evident to us over the past week. That was a good launching pad for prayer and discussion.

All in all a pretty nromal but good weekend.

2003-02-07T05:43:00.000-05:00

Not much time to write this morning... need to get to the shop so the paint department can finish a couple jobs. We are loaded with work and that's a good thing. Maybe I'll blog from the shop today.

Got a couple of new toys yesterday... new phone with cool features (am I still living simply? when do I cross the line?) and some management software to the tune of several thousand dollars... sure hope it works for that price!!!

peace to you all today.

+++ Lord, I'm all yours. Give grace to live in your presence all day long. I love you and always will. +++

2003-02-06T06:09:00.000-05:00

Mark 1:29-39... the word that glowed for me this morning was "they" referred to later in the passge as "Simon and his companions"

This journey we are we are on with others. We are not a collection of individulas who maintain there total autonomy. We are part of something. I have so many great companions who I feel I'm follwing Christ with. Some I only see occasionally. Others I see daily. But the journey is meant to be done not only in the companionship of Jesus but also "one another"

+++ Lord, thank you for Alan, Dave, Chad, all the folks who gather on tuesday night in my home, the Brocks, Brent, Matt, (this could take a while!).... new friends like Mark and Eric -- renewed friends - Palmer, Jason, Tawd, Ken... There is such an abundance in my life...I thank you. Lord help us to truly follow you and all that implies -- learning, stretching, trying, failing, succeeding, (misspelling)... Lord keep me aware today that I'm never alone even when I feel like I am. Thank you for the communion of saints both living and dead that cheer us on. +++

2003-02-06T05:54:00.000-05:00

Here's the three our Tuesday night group came up with to help us be more intentional: at the begining of dinner someone (me for now) will pose a question that will help spark discussion (this is intended to be more than an ice breaker but not so deep that people feel like they're taking their emotional clothes off either), throughout the week we'll meditate on the same passge of scripture (following this) and discuss it at the meeting, and we'll end each meeting praying for one another in smaller groups of 3-5.

Yesterday at the shop the transition (why is m so full of transition all the time?) from Dad to son owning the business came into full focus. We have very different styles of leadership/management/motivation. I summarize by saying I'm a carrot and he's a stick. Comprehende? A big decision we're facing now is whether or not to go with some new management software that will track parts, performance, prices etc. I think it would be a useful tool but Mr. "we haven't needed that in this shop for the last 30 years" is skeptical. I love my dad. I hope he reads this and is not offended. My hunch is he won't read the blog (I don't advertise) and he would be offended. I have much to learn from him. Right now I'm just sorting what is wisdom and what is "we've always done it that way."

On to more important things...

2003-02-05T06:10:00.000-05:00

Great gathering last night in our home. We talked a bit about leadership, the state of our group, and how to be more intentional -- all those are related of course. I began with a confession that I'm concerned for the group becoming too "organic" or too open ended. We have tended to shy away from any structure and I have been pretty invisible to the point of not really setting the direction and tone of the meetings or for the wider life of the group. as Tom said in the comments below it's not about NOT leading at all, it's about leading differently. What does that look like in real time and place? I'll tell you.... once I figure it out. I'm starting to see some of the elements: vulnerability, creating space for everyone to play (ie participate... ie exercise their gifts), and having a structure that allows for spontaneity. It seems to me (now) that not having any structure to the group and just showing up and eating dinner and seeing what happens actually hinders spontaneity. That doesn't feel safe. Humans tend to thrive in environments where there are clear boundaries. if things are too open ended insecurity and uncertainty set in. Is this making sense? Is it too philosophical? Part of me is just intuiting this and trying to understand the dynamics of the actual group I'm a part of. Doug gave a great example last night of how he has seen this play out (no pun intended!) in his work as a drama coach. When actors he has worked with were given too much freedom to do their own thing, improvise etc the performance tended to be lackluster. When they were given direction and guidance with reasonable room for freedomand innovation the performers tended to be unified with lots of comraderie, and the performance tended to go great. That's what I'm hoping for in our group. A shared purpose. Enough structure to give a sense of safety. Leadership that makes room for spontaneity and draws out the gifts of others. This has us moving in the right direction...

2003-02-04T05:45:00.000-05:00

It's been a few days but I'm still thinking about the things Brent said at lunch last week. Things are perculating, brewing, simmering. (I'm hungry.) Also had a conversation with Jim Henderson yesterday about leadership. I have so many resources it's ridiculous!

Some of things Jim said in summary: don't apologize for success/growth/what I've learned (ie don't play the humble card when I should really be confident... reminds me of a prayer that Alan prayed where he said "just stop it" about 12 times referring to stopping all the self depricationa and doubt), people want to learn via discovery and experience, people are asking "Why does this matter to me?" every time someone gets up to speak/teach/lead in a gathering and very few speakers/teachers/leaders ever answer that, it is possible to lead confidently and non-hierarchically at the same time (ie in this day of falt org structures that doesn't mean that leadership stops or we should be wimpy.... leaders just need to lead differently). These are things I needed to hear, and now need to internalize and apply. Lord give me the grace to lead in this way.

Back to Brent... Brent talked about the environment of gatherings being like wombs... places of comfort, safe places for pepole to grow and be transformed. I love that analogy. environment is spo important (cf Environments of Grace, and Tipping Point). I experienced the reality of this recently when we painted the body shop bright white. At first I was little sceptical and concerned that it might feel too institutional but the opposite thing occurred. The guys feel better about working there. It looks cleaner, more full of light and most importantly it affected their atitiude and confidence. They are saying things like "we must have the cleanest shop in the city!" and "we look so professional." I was surprised what a few hours and some white paint can do... These are the "hard" aspects of envirnment (lighting, room arrangement) but there are also "soft" aspects as well like trust, vulnerability, people feeling safe. One thing Brent offered on that front was the leader setting the stage through being vulnerable, ie honest about struggle. So much more... I'll get to it. For our gathering tonight this is enough...

Jim -- its all about favor...

2003-01-31T06:05:00.000-05:00

Had a lunch yesterday with my good friend Brent Croxton. He asked some really challenging questions that propelled me to think new thoughts and dream again about what our Tueday night church could become. Some things started to come into focus and I thought I'd get them down here as a way to remember them and let them sink in a little.

We are too big. We need to birth. We're overdue. This is a good problem to have but it is a problem. Over 20 people and the likelyhood of introverts sharing is seriously diminished. Big also tends toward people defaulting to the "leaders" and not the Holy Spirit's leadership. More formal organization is required.

(oops... I just checked the notes I took from the lunch and discovered I brought the wrong papers home so these reflections will have to wait unless you want to hear all about the car parts I had to return to the dealers yesterday... I didn't think so. More to come on House Church upgrades...)

2003-01-30T06:28:00.000-05:00

Just added 4 new Alleloner bloggers to my beloved... check it.... and don't forget to read the post below this... I did 2 posts back to back this morning... the boy needs help...

2003-01-30T05:55:00.000-05:00

Brain drain... I've been starting to obsess about something that is several months away... I do this all the time when it comes to public speaking. Sometimes it pushes me to prepare really well but mostly it's a distraction and a form of worry. The opportunity is great and I'd be open to receiving help from the blogging community I'm a part of with any and all of it. Here it is: i've been asked to speak at Cornerstone Festival hosted every year by JPUSA. They have a website which I think is here. They have asked me to do a series of talks (3) on blogging of all things.

Here's what I need help with (so I can stop obsessing!): I need a title, a brief description, and any content ideas you might have. Like answering the question: "How has blogging (or even just reading blogs) helped you?" If someone can come up with a really cool, catchy title I'll give you credit and a big hug when I see you...

Also are there resources out there (books, articles) about blogging that I'm unaware of? It's kind of weird and hard to research something like this. I mean all mine is is a journal that I happen to keep online where I collect myself in the morning. That's about the extent of it for me. The spin offs have the most amazing things. Spinoffs like keeping up with the personal lives of friends (some I've never even met in person - Hi Laura O!) and learning about to be a better Christ follower and lover. Not too shabby but is it worth a series of talks? I think so and I have the feeling you all are about to tell me why =)

2003-01-28T06:11:00.000-05:00

Forgot to mention something in yesterday's post that was also very significant to me. I got to meet the amazing Craig Pelkey-Landes (did I spell it right?) who by the way is blogging again under the name Eggbert... He's in my "beloved" in the left column.

So last night John Willis and his girlfriend/fiance Laura and their friend Scott came over for dinner. They have been dreaming about a new expression of church in Northern Kentucky, something more organic and smaller and less program driven. Something born out of their frindship... something that is deeply commited to community and mission. They used phrases like Kingdom growth as a priority over church growth. Scary, revolutionary talk yet it sounds strangely familiar. It never ceases to amaze me how God continues to do his work quietly birthing things first in people's hearts and then in their homes and then in their neigborhoods. And again I'm pleasantly surprsised and full of grins that he's so active in the mid-west. Of course he's active everywhere but I get to see it most clearly here. I'm also starting feel less envy for the coasts where movements tend to be born. Not that the mid west is the seed bed of a new revival (though we can hope and pray!) or a place of God's speacial favor but there is a growing sense that there's a lot going on here per capita in the emerging church scene. This isn't coming out right... I'm trying to say that I believe something significant is growing in the fertile mid west soil and it's not because we're so special but because for whatever reason God is choosing to move here. I have my hunches. He loves to surprise. He loves to find a "Nazareth," a place that people tend to doubt and dismiss, an uncool place, an unlikely place and then birth something that only He can get glory from. That's just a hunch. It really doesn't matter. My job is just to say thank you and play my part.

+++ Lord, I want to cooperate with whatever it is you're doing in my time and place and then bless what you're doing in other places. Give me eyes to see and a heart to follow. I'm with you on this adventure and looking so forward to cutting this trail with you in the lead. Amen. +++

This was also brough home at the Allelon gathering as there were many, slightly disproportionate number, from Ohio and when you throw in the other midwesterners like Creech and Craig the midwest was representin'... humbly I hope.

2003-01-27T06:49:00.000-05:00

The Allelon gathering surpassed every expectation I had and they were high in the first place. I truly do not know where to begin and it will take me days and possibly weeks to process through all that happened. Meeting Eric Keek was a stand out highlight. He's bigger than me and called me "soft" several times just to get under my skin. It was the playful banter of a giant, gracious, generous heart. Meeting him would have made the trip worthwhile all by itself. He has the most concentrated, intriguing mixture of brokeness and strength that I've ever seen. Mark Priddy... the playfulness of a little boy, the heart of an apostle, the energy of 10 men... and he reads Willard and NT Wright... and he has several very successful businesses... and (this could go on awhile) he knows how to bless in the deepest, biblical sense of that word as a spiritual father... and that ain't too shabby for a 39 year old. Thought sof the time are flodding in... I was afraid this would happen and I'd be paralyzed by the volume of things to write about. Perhaps I should just make a list and tackle them as I have time (and as you express interest in hearing about certain things):

- being with all my blogger pals in real time (Alan, John W, Palmer, Jason, Bishop, T, etc)
- Staying at Mark and Jeanette Priddy's home
- (missional) Poker night in the Keek's garage
- scoring 2 spots at a December gathering in DC at Church of the Saviour for my pal Bent Croxton
- breakfast with Dieter Zander
- the large contingent from the mid-west... with the 'Nati representin' (that's short for Cincinnati had good representation in addition to the entire mid-west)
- getting prayed for publically... at first I felt like a lab rat because it was prinicipally done to show others how to pray blessing into someone's life but it became among the most powerful, affirming, empowering experiences of my life.
- Matt from NY city
- Alan snoring
- Kevin (me) snoring
- Winn's teaching
- Bryan McClese (sp?) an old friend who became a new ally
- (this could easiily keep going but I need to turn my attention to the pile of work on my desk and in the shop.... to be continued...)

2003-01-23T18:57:00.000-05:00

Greetings from Boise! Hanging out with Mike Bishop, Alan Creech, Malcolm (of dtour.com.au fame), Mark palmer, Todd Bell, and T Freeman. We're here for the Allelon gathering. we're talking about getting Todd Hunter's face tattoed on our behinds. I'll keep you posted....

2003-01-22T05:41:00.000-05:00

“I will make you fishers of men....”

If I am to be a disciple of Jesus I will automatically learn how to fish for men and women, how to catch them in the Net... the Net of the kingdom. Jesus was able to do this naturally, unforced. No canned presentations for him. Just going about his life winsomely, beautifully. People were drawn to him. Lots of people. And he taught his disciples how to do the same.I’m convinced He still teaches this. What were the ingredients of his training? What was the essnece of learning to be a drawer? For the early disciples it included watching him do it, trial and error (Luke 10, Matthew 10), empowerment (Acts 2), waiting/timing (Acts 2), vision casting (Mark 1 “I will teach you to catch men”). The most exciting, fulfilling, joyous times of my life have always revolved around mission. Spreading the net alone or with others and watching people be drawn to Christ, becoming captivated by Him.

+++ Lord, show me what a winsome life that draws people into the Net of your Kingdom naturally looks like. Please re-cast your vision in me for becoming a drawer and train me (yet again) to be good at the things you are good at. Teaching. Healing. Drawing. I want to represent you well. I want to re-present you authenitcally to the world I live and move and have my being in. I want the guys at the body shop to know you and love you and let you love them. Forgive me if I’ve not learned well in the past. Please make up for whatever is lacking in me. All the things I’ve forgotten. All the missed opportunities. Please remove anything that might prevent me from becoming the kind of person that naturally draws others into the flow of your Kingdom way, truth and life. Thank you for your patience and willingness to teach me. Give me the ability to absorb and learn. Make the path clear... +++

2003-01-21T04:44:00.000-05:00

test

2003-01-16T06:06:00.000-05:00

What an interesting day yesterday was. It drove home the vastly different roles I'm currently living. The body shop has fallen into an 8-5 routine and I'm starting to notice even a weekly rhythm where the days of the week take on a feel, a vibe of their own. Monday's are slow because jobs are being delivered. Mid-week is heavy for the paint department. Fridays are filled with deliveries which means lots of clean-up and customer relations. Last night after work I had a couple hour window to catch up on some VC related things since the kids had swim lessons. I checked my voice mail on the cell phone. Had a call from Chris Marshall (Ordinary Community and Off the Map). We set up a spontaneous dinner. Also had a call from a young guy who is preapring to plant some home churches in N. Kentucky. Another call was from a gentleman who is travelling from Texas on his way back from a Luke 10 training with House 2 House and he's looking for a place to stay tonight in Cincy. On the way to dinner with Chris I got a call from Eric Keck who is putting together the Allelon gathering in Boise. All of this was between 5 and 5:30 last night. It was one of those moments of "WOW, God may really be up to something here... there's such an interest in simpler, more ancient, more organic forms of church life and ministry." This morning there was note on my desk that Mike Steele of DAWN ministries called. When it rains it pours. Anyway, it's weird and fun living in these different roles... That was yesterday.

2003-01-15T06:29:00.000-05:00

Got up late this morning so not much time to post... great gathering last night. We're bursting at the seams with over 20 people again. I proposed that we all study/read/meditate on the same passge throughout the week following the revised common lectionary. Most seemed interested/agreeable to the idea. For the next six days we're all hanging out with John 1.43-51.

Snow yesterday. I love snow for 2 reasons mostly: one, I got to use 4 wheel drive all the way to work (see, I NEED the jeep...) and two, in the body shop world snow=business. Now, I don't want anybody to get hurt but lots of those little fender benders are just fine with me.

+++ Give me boldness and tact today to embody and announce your really good news - the Kingdom of God is available and accessible here and now! +++

2003-01-14T06:01:00.000-05:00

Great responses to my not so rhetorical questions yesterday. Also had a great conversation at dinner with my friends and housemates. Dave and Brent had been talking earlier in the day about "preaching" and the place of public proclamation in a home church network. There must be something in the air around here... This is one that is going to have to stew awhile. Interestingly, my assistant manager Ron had several questions for me throughout the day about his experience at the Vineyard over the weekend. He wanted to know about other Vineyards and how they got started and who was the guy with the white hair that preached and told jokes and.... I can see doors flinging open everywhere. I knew this job would somehow open opportunities for this kind of thing but I didn't expect it to happen this soon or this naturally. It's almost too easy. Does it count if it's this easy?

Yesterday... jobs are still moving through the shop. Things are getting done. I hope the right things and the right amount are getting done. I don't really have much to compare it too. I've never been responsible for this amount of cash flow either. It's fun depositting checks for thousands... not so fun paying for bills the same size! The volume of cash flow (in and out) has been one of the most surprising things thus far. The days just fly by, there's so much to do. The pace is fast but not unbearable and because of that I'm enjoying it. I'm just rambling now.... don't want to bore you or myself with a bunch of shop talk.

My friends Mike Bishop and Alan Creech both have articles on next-wave.org... check 'em out...

2003-01-13T06:24:00.000-05:00

My time at the mothership Vineyard was well spent on Saturday. I had a great time. A couple things stand out that I'm still processing. A guy named Marshal asked me a question that surfaced a strong internal reaction. I don't really remember the exact question but it had to do with people who are not yet Christ-followers coming to church in a home... "Isn't that an intimidating environment for seekers?" kind of question. It threw me back into my week at work where just a day or two earlier that question hit me full force. Ron, my assistant manger, told me he was going to the Vineyard (mothership) for the first time this weekend (I'm anxious to get to work today and find out how that went!). Just moments before our painter, David, mentioned to me that his mother is looking for a church and he wondered if she could come some sunday to my church and hear me preach. OK. "No she can't and here's why..." I then unintentionally launched into all the reasons why she couldn't come on Sunday and here me preach (mainly because we my church doesn't meet on sundays and I don't preach). I tried to explain a little of our philosophy and the recent transition.... all this added up to a fumbled attempt to help someone looking for a church connect with us. I walked away feeling a bit defeated. I wish I had a better answer. In some ways I feel like the most culturally relevant and evangelisitc thing I could do would be to have a weekly seeker sensitive gathering. My wife who said you should of just told him what I tell people... "our church meets on Tuesday nights at our house and you're welcome to come." Why didn't I think of that? There's larger questions looming here though. I don't really know what they are but I want to find a way to whet people's appetite for Christ and get connected to home churches easily.... Now I'm confused again. This is just raw processing. Anybody else got a good answer? What has WORKED for those of you who don't have a Sunday gathering and meet in smaller units and simpler settings (homes, parks, cafes)? How do you include people in that? How do you help them understand what you do in a short, simple way? (if you do) Help....

2003-01-13T06:08:00.000-05:00

John the Baptist. There's no getting around this guy in the Scriptures. He arrives on the scene with a grand splash. People throng to him going to the desert to confess their and getting baptized by this guy who wears funky clothes and has locust/honey breath. I can't imagine a less "seeker friendly" ministry than that. I picture John the Baptist's look as a cross between a matted haired rastafarian and Tom Hanks in that movie where he gets shipwrecked on that island (What was the name of that?). He's dusty. He's lean. He has a wild look in his eyes. He uses the word "repent" a lot. But somehow, in spite of or maybe because of, his eccentricities people throng to him. There's a steady stream of people going to the Jordon to publically confess their sins and get baptized by the Baptizer. But all he can talk about is someone else who is coming... What would I do with that success? Would I be pointing people to real Star in the drama or soaking up all the attention I could?

2003-01-11T17:53:00.000-05:00

Well Randy B just said some of the nicest things about me... I'm blushing... Fun, funny guy... He is also a fabulous interviewer. Made my job easy today... If I could afford it I'd take him with me everywhere I go... and he's so cute and lovable with his bald head, quick wit and wicked cool glasses. Check him out over at his blog. Thanks for the book, the wonderful surprise "bookmark" (I would have done it for nuthin' bro!) and the cinnamon bagel. Time well spent.

2003-01-10T06:42:00.000-05:00

I am not the most special person who ever lived and I don't have to be. Phewww. I can't tell what a relief that is. That may sound silly - and it is really - but when that thought strikes home with me as it did when I read the account of Jesus baptism it can be liberating. It's liberating to know that someone else carries that distinction and that responsiblity. Now, this doesn't mean that I'm not special, unique, important etc. I am. I remind my wife of how special I am everyday just in case she forgets. When I don't feel special I struggle with jealousy. When I feel as if I'm not special enough I compensate with type-A, driven, pain in the ass, overbearing, peformance based living. That's a confession. That's all I got today.

Tomorrow I get to tell stories about VC transitioning, the birth of home churches, and same-house/common purse community living with a group of pastors and pastors to be at the mothership mega-church. Should be fun and if not it should be interesting and if not at least I'll get a free bagel and a cup of coffee... at least that's what Randy promised me, right Randy? i really can't justify i unless there's at least a free mini-breakfast in it. =)

2003-01-09T06:22:00.000-05:00

I've been quietly trying to incorporate more liturgy into my life. Part of this stems from my use of the Divine Hours as central to the prayer life of the community I'm a part of. More broadly I'm fascinated, taken really, with the church calendar especially the idea that most followers of Christ are reading the same portions of Scripture and praying the same prayers all over the world at roughly the same time. There's an ancient flow, a torrent, a river and I desperately want to jump in. I've struggled though. Primarily I've struggled becasue what would it mean to jump in fully? Would it mean joining a "high church"? If so what would that do to the wonderful set of relationships I've spent years fostering in the Vineyard and among simple/house church folk... I'm not ready to sacrifice those relationships or those convictions. So somehow it needs to be incoporated into the actual life I live. But this doesn't mean it must bend to me. No. That's part of the apeal. I would... I will be bending to it. I will become not the driver of my devotional life and hopefully even my coprate worship life. I will become a passenger, a student. The questions remain even as life ebbs and flows on. Another challenge has been my inability to do the math required to figure out the Book of Common prayer -- which, if I understand it correctly is supposed among the more simple liturgical resources. I haven't dared to venture into the Roman Catholic or even more complex Eastern Orthodox liturgies. There's lots of cross over among the three I just mentioned but all require a guide or a miracle (for me) to understand. I did stumble upon a hugely helpful resource today that I plan to use: It's here At least now I can be ruminating on the right "passge of the week"... Wait a minute... my church meets on Tuesday nights... these are all based on a Sunday cycle.... I quit. (I'm sure I'll want to try again tomorrow. Like I said, I'm somewhat taken by this idea. For better of worse.

Mark 1:4-11
1:4 John the baptizer appeared in the wilderness, proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.

1:5 And people from the whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem were going out to him, and were baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins.

1:6 Now John was clothed with camel's hair, with a leather belt around his waist, and he ate locusts and wild honey.

1:7 He proclaimed, "The one who is more powerful than I is coming after me; I am not worthy to stoop down and untie the thong of his sandals.

1:8 I have baptized you with water; but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit."

1:9 In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan.

1:10 And just as he was coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending like a dove on him.

1:11 And a voice came from heaven, "You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased."

2003-01-08T06:13:00.000-05:00

Junk mail. Good mail. Junk mail. Good mail. That's been my distracted morning so far; going through a mound of non-electronic mail. I still have a virtual heap of mail on my computer as well. That will just have to wait. there are more pressing things. I can only see about 1% of my desk top right now. Do I feel important? No. Overwhelmed. Almost. One bright side: I found a good use for all those discarded envelopes. So I don't have to leave my desk and interupt the flow of the amazing epiphanies pouring from my fingertips into this blog I can spit the multicolored chunks that emerge from the body shop dust and paint of yesterday through my lung domain eventually passing through the esophagus (sp?) and throat into the envelope via a well timed cough and pursed lips. Now, aren't you glad you read my blog? The real life musings of a morning person with phlem. Lovely.

Onto more spiritual matters... a church gathered in my home last night for a meal, conversation and other sacremental acts. I have no idea really what to do with all these people. We had 25 people or so. Every nook and cranny of our dining room/living room were filled. Oh wait... now I remeber! (Has it been that long?) We start another gathering and the movement continues. But there's so much to do with this group... feels like we're just starting to get to know each other... It's not for us though... we're for the world and if the world (or even just my neighborhood) is better off for having another gathering then so be it.

Just got the latest issue of Cutting Edge in the mail. They are always excellent. This one in particular looks really promising. There will be an internet version available soon at vineyardusa.org. I'll link to some stuff soon but most of you will likely beat me to it anyway. If you get time, check it out. Sure beats reading about my phlem...

2003-01-07T06:22:00.000-05:00

Still thinking on Psalm 27 this morning... did a little research on the idea of God's face in Scripture especially the Psalms. Every night before bed I give my kids the Numbers 6 blessing: "May the Lord bless you and keep you and cause his face to shine on you. May he turn his face toward you and give you his peace." The effect on their face and body is obvious almost every night. It's truly been amazing. I've threatened to withhold the blessing as a form of punishment at times and they get really upset. It's become very important to them. Anyway, back to face... Psalm 27 has phrases "Seek my face" and "Your face Lord will I seek" in it. That's a common pharse in Scripture that denotes our search for and continual longing for God. The element of light is also often associated with God's face throughout the Psalms especially (Ps 4.6, 31.16, 67.1, 80). We often use the pharse "her face lit up" or "they were glowing" (often for Brides and Grooms on the wedding day).

+++ Lord, please shine on me today. Cause me to reflect your briliance and glory to a world in search of even a little light. Amen +++

"O splendour of God's glory bright, O thou that bringest light from light, O light of light, light's living spring, O day all days illumining;
O thou true Sun on us thy glance, Let fall with royal radiance; The Spirit's sanctifying beam, Upon our eartly senses stream."

St. Ambrose, 340-397 ad

2003-01-06T06:00:00.000-05:00

Saw a movie yesterday that really struck a chord. It was based on the novel Swiss Family Robinson. It is a family friendly movie (I watched it with Tracy and the kids) but not very good in any technical sense ie the acting, character development and cinematography were just passable. The story line however is fantastic. A harsh man with very strong convictions, who happens to be a pastor, is forced into exile because he would not swear allegiance to the state but God alone. He had no intentions of subverting the state but reserved his allegiance entirely for God. In other words, he's not the kind of guy who would pledge allegiance to the flag or have a bumper sticker that says "Kill Bin Laden" but he wasn't against the state either. The story basically follows his exile which turns less into a prison term and more into an epic family adventure. It portrays him as softening not his conviction but his character and becoming more and more gracious to his family, environment and even strangers in need. He learns to accept help from a native to the island. In the end he maintains his deep faith (evidenced by the final scenes revolving around a family Easter celebration) but becomes a gracious, normal human being (evidenced by his desire to stay on the island and set up a trading company even after the oppportunity to leave is presented. Pastor to businessman. Harsh to gracious. From trying to save the world to saving his own family. From being a helper to learning to recieve help. I think I just found my New Year's resolutions.

2003-01-03T06:03:00.000-05:00

"For in the day of trouble he shall keep me safe in his shelter;
He shall hide me in the secrecy of his dwelling,
And set me high upon a rock.

Even now he lifts up my head above my enemies round about me."

Psalm 27.7,8

These versus do not seem to be true to me. I've wrestled with them for a couple of days now and I can not come to any resolution. When you overlay the events of 9-11 or any number of the daily tradgedies around the world now and in times past these verses do not seem true. The Jews prayed these verses for centuries but the Holocost still happened. Christ himself suffered injustice and died. Perhaps that's a toehold on the answer. Perhaps these versus are not always true in the penultimate sense but only in the ultimate sense. That's a start but still not satisfying. It's a start because of the resurrection. Because of the ultimate victory. Because we know that the life we live right now is only part of a much larger picture. Our life as Paul says is hidden with Christ in God (Col 3.1) Makes me think of the Matrix. Neo thought the life he was living was real only to discover his real life, the one untouched by the matrix, was much different. Much better in many ways but vastly different. So perhaps I can say these verses are true in the ultimate sense that in God's kingdom, in his economy, in his Reality I am safe and secure. I don't really ever doubt that. But.... this answer is unsatisfying because these words were written in a specific context of experiencing a "this worldly" life rescue of some kind. Perhaps that's part of the answer as well though. There will be specific times of rescue and help that are only available to those who trust Yahweh, the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob. Is it true we're better off for trusting in that God in this life? I think so.... For eternity, I know so. Again looking through the lense of Christ's life there were times when people tried to kill him, crowd him, throw him off a cliff. But God the Father rescued him and protected him. But then the cross came. But then the resurrection! So I can rejoice in God's protection and provision. I can trust that he will redeem suffering. And I can be confident that ultimately he will care for my soul. Questions remain even as faith grows in my heart this hour...

2003-01-02T06:01:00.000-05:00

My first post of the new year. Happy New Year to all. I found out via my wife at a new year's party that an old friend is reading this... I won't say who but I hope she posts to my comments someday. It's an odd feeling having blog voyeurs out there. I like it. It just feels odd. My immediate internal response was, "What did I write that might offend her or make her wonder about me?" I have a healthy dose of paranoia going I guess. I only cuss a little and when I'm really mad... I try to write like there's no audience reading but I know there is so that's nearly impossible. I have abandoned all other forms of journalling so that I force myself to blog. I like being forced out into the open. There are things I said in a private journal that I'm not saying here (mainly confessions, but I have other outlets for that) but for the most part I'm just doing what I've done on paper on and off since high school. I tend to "brain-drain" in the morning whatever is milling about in the old cranial cavity... a form of centering prayer, I guess. Then I try to meditate on a small portion of scripture and then respond to God's voice in a written prayer... lectio, I guess... or as close as a baptized Episcopalian turned Jesus freak evangelical can do lectio. There are depths...

Don't know why I wrote all that above... guess I'm trying to set the course for the blog for the year. Sounds kind of boring to me. If people keep reading that's great and I hope there's a nugget or 2 throughout the year. For me it's become a part of my formation as a follower of Jesus. And today I feel like I'm only getting started on that. I felt further along 10 years ago but looking back I had a lot figured out 10 years ago that now I'm rethinking. I guess that's what people mean when they talk about "the journey." It's a journey in that has all kind of consequences for things out ward. It's a journey down exploring the mysterious and beautiful caverns of the soul. There are depths...

2002-12-30T05:45:00.000-05:00

With the holidays behind me it's time to focus on my next big thing. I don't really have a next big thing yet. My next big thing may just be learning the ropes of smallness again, of being faithful in the little things. I have no grand scheme, no over-riding dream. My vision for "reaching the whole city" is starting to wane. I can feel this loss but I can not stop it. Like sand it slips through my fingers and all that's left is the simple reality of smallness. These dreams are given not grasped. Perhaps the dream's not leaving but hibernating awaiting a spring stirring. I don't really know. I do know that I want to be a good husband, father, and child of God. I do know that I want to make a difference in a few lives in the body shop and my home. I do want my house to buzz daily with the surprises and energy of a steady flow of guests around the dinner table and in the many spare bedrooms that will soon line the entire second floor of my home. Where has the passion gone? I just remembered. My passion is in evangelism. When I am sharing the good news routinely I feel energized. I was made for that. Pastoral ministry (for me) seems like a temporary, necessary distraction from my true calling to share the gospel.

I'll be hanging out with my best friend from college tonight, Greg Hopwood. He'll remind me of this. He has seen me at my height of passion for God and life and he always reminds me that it's tied to my core calling to evangelism. Now the fun part; doing it... finding ways to become and actively share the good news in a real world context. If I can't do it at the body shop, then it's just a nice idea. Sharing the gospel as a pastor was strangely easier and harder at the same time. It became boring really. It was like fishing in a barrel or hunting at a zoo. All the adventure was gone. It was routinized into weddings and visitors to the front door who came looking for food or answers. Gone are the days of hitting the streets with a bunch of tracts and engaing strangers in conversations about eternal realities. Part of me is glad those days are gone. Another part yearns for that level of adventure. It put adrenaline into evangelism. I can feel myself start come alive even thinking about it now. At the time it was authentic, flowing from some recent powerful experiences with God. What would be authentic in the times and context I find myself in now?

2002-12-24T06:18:00.000-05:00

The Holiday cheer and all that bull shit is upon us... Why do we do this again? The answer I get from well meaning family is because "it's Jesus birthday!" OK. So, it's Jesus birthday.... the Savior of the world born in the dirty, humble circumstances of a barn and trough... a man who spent his life serving the poor and out cast and challenging the religiosity and commercialization of faith... ok... we're celebrating his birth by giving unnecessary presents to each other.... in my case to people who already have more than enough of anything they could ever want, need or use (including me here)... all the while unwittingly participating in the demonic spirit of materialism. Well, Happy Birthday Jesus! I'm sure you're impressed by all this idiocy... please have mercy on us. Please save us from ourself. Please forgive us. .... Please forgive me... Please show me how to participate appropriately out of love for the family and friends you have given me and not just be a self righteous ass and know it all. Help me to play along where appropriate but not get swept up in the lunacy that swirls around me. Above all, help me to speak the truth in love....

I just checked my blogroll at random... lots of good stuff.... Joe Boyd has a review of Two Towers, Jason Evans has an interview with my friend Mark Palmer who is all about house churches and Gen X ministry (not really... read the article) Alan Creech discovers Kingdom Ethics in a Beatles movie.... good stuff....

2002-12-20T05:50:00.000-05:00

Hung out with Ryan Hale and his lovely wife Gina last night for dinner and a little after. Ryan is a blogger, and a computer wiz by day. They are a lovely couple. Soon they will own a restaurant/cafe in a small community out side St. Louis and be foster parents. They are part of the Levi's Table community. They are studdents in an extension of the Servant Leadership school based in DC with Church of the Savior. In short: they rock! We're having lunch today as well and then they're off to pick up their baby from Grandparents in Indiana. I'm glad to have met them and sensed such a beautiful, humble, teachable spirit in them... anxious to see how God is going to bless and use these gifted, commited folks.